


Best, Penny

by darkling_spark



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Canon Compliant, also i'm so sorry i cannot write titles, also mentions of depression so avoid this if that's a trigger, between Carry On and Wayward Son, idk i just really writing letters i guess, just a little, okay maybe a lot, yes i'm projecting what of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27682825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkling_spark/pseuds/darkling_spark
Summary: A series of letters Penny writes to Agatha between the end of Carry On and the beginning of Wayward Son.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Best, Penny

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this, and I'm really sorry if you don't. I wrote this between 1 and 2 am so if it makes no sense that's definitely why.
> 
> I changed the title and complimentary close to Best, Penny because I feel like it fits her better.

Dear Agatha, 

I hope you’re alright. Things… well they aren’t too great here. Simon’s still reeling from the after effects of killing his only father figure, not to mention the fact that he still has wings and a tail. Baz seems mostly fine, but I don’t think he’s coping too well with the fact that the Mage murdered his mother either. I’m probably the only mentally stable one among us, and I’m still waking up every morning shaking from the night before. Trixie is a far more understanding roommate than I gave her credit for.

I want to be mad at you for leaving, I really do, but I can’t. I understand it. I think I might have done the same, were it not for Simon. He needs me to be here, probably more than anyone else. You get a fresh start, a clean break, away from all of the madness. I don’t get leaving magick, but to each their own I suppose. 

I hope you’re doing good in California. I remember you saying that you’re searching for something? Please let me know if you find it. And please write back, tell me what you’re up to. I promise I won’t push you, I just want to still be a part of your life, even if you’re starting anew. I know we were never that close, but you were my friend. I still care about you.

Best,  
Penny

Dear Agatha,

Perhaps you didn’t get my previous letter? I’m not quite sure how reliable the United States Postal Service is. I can do some research, and make some lists. Or maybe you did, but you’re still writing your response. That’s alright, feel free to take your time. I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Things are a bit better here, but not much. I’m pretty sure Simon’s officially dropped out of school, not that anyone can blame him, the poor boy. Baz tells me he jolts out of bed to Simon screaming most nights, begging the Mage not to kill Ebb, or not to make Simon kill him. I’m not sure which he regrets more: killing his father figure, or not showing up in time to stop him from killing the only person close to a mother that he had. Probably the latter.

Mum won’t allow me to enter Mummers to check on him myself. It’s funny really, considering it’s her spellwork that allows me as her heir to get inside. At least she’s putting previously banned books back into the library! It’s incredible really, how much information the Mage censored, and most of it for no good reason. 

Mum is a good headmaster, even if she can be a bit overbearing at times. Far better than the Mage, although I’d never tell Simon that. It can be triggering for him, so we’re very careful to not mention that bastard around him. I don’t think he’s fully admitted to himself how horrible the Mage really was either. 

I also think he’s focusing on repression instead of working through his emotions, and I’m a bit worried about that. Baz seems to be concerned too. Does your father perchance know any magickal therapists? I’m not sure Simon would agree to go, but if he did it would do him a world of good. 

Best,  
Penny

P.S. Please do write back soon, I miss hearing from you.

Dear Agatha,

I’m beginning to think you’re purposefully ignoring me. I did a lot of research, and it seems that the USPS is quite good at delivering letters. I’m sending this one by FedEx just in case, but I don’t think that’s it. I wish you’d reply. I really miss you, more than I thought I would to be honest.

Today was graduation. Baz beat me to valedictorian, but I couldn’t bring myself to care nearly as much as I thought I might. It’s crazy, to think I was the only one of our little trio who graduated. I didn’t really expect it of you, sorry if it’s rude, but you’ve never been the scholarly type, but I thought Simon would.

Simon always struggled with school, but he really loved going to classes. I think it made him feel like part of a community, of a culture, when he was used to being alone. We always doubted he was born a mage, because who would give up their child like that, but now I’m not too sure. There’ve been no accounts of a Normal ever being born with magick, and the humdrum seemed like it was made with dark magick, but I don’t really know. I won’t mention it to Simon until I’ve done a lot more research, just in case.

I saw Simon and Baz dancing tonight at the Leavers’ Ball, and Simon looked happy for once. He’s really not doing well. I understand why, but if he stays in this funk he’s going to drown in it. There’s got to be something that can help him. Maybe a spell? I suppose I’ll look through the books. There should be a way, and now that my Mum’s replaced most of the books the Mage banned I doubt it will be too hard to find. Making lists is the one thing I’ve always excelled at.

Best,  
Penny

Dear Agatha,

I know you’re getting these letters, and I know you’re ignoring me. I wish you’d reply. I don’t really have anyone to talk to. Simon is still depressed, Baz spends all his time taking care of him, and Trixie is touring magickal Europe with her girlfriend. Even Mum doesn’t have the time now that she’s been promoted to permanent headmaster of Watford.

I’m really worried about Simon. His wings and tail still haven’t disappeared, and he seems to think of himself as a devil. It’s just adding to his already far too large amount of self hatred. Personally, I think they look more like that of a dragon, but I’ll have to read a couple of books on the subject before broaching that idea to him. 

The other day, Baz spelled his wings away so that we could all go out to dinner together, and Simon was far more confident and happy without them. He even laughed at a silly pun Baz made about the gravy. It’s been so long since he’s laughed, Agatha. It almost sounded rusty from not being used. 

It can’t be healthy for Simon to hate parts of his body like this, even if they were magickally added. But is a temporary fix better than none? I’m worried it’ll lead to him wanting to constantly have Baz or me spell them away, and ignore the true problem: why are they there? We don’t really know anything about them. There’s never been anything like his wings or tail, but then, Simon Snow as a whole is kind of unprecedented. 

I’m so confused, and so worried all the time. Perhaps I should start going to therapy. But I don’t want to concern anyone else, not if I don’t have to. I wish you’d reply. You always had good advice, even if you mainly acted apathetic. I miss you, Agatha. Please write back soon. 

Best,  
Penny

Dear Agatha,

I’m not even sure why I’m writing to you anymore. You’ve never really been kind to me, but not sending replies is downright rude. Are you alright? I spoke to your parents at the club the other day and they said that you are still in Los Angeles. I know you’re alive, and I doubt you suddenly broke your arm and are unable to write.

Why am I handing you excuses at this point? It’s clear you don’t wish to talk to me, but you can’t just leave like that. You can’t abandon all of your friends and expect them to let you go. I’m sure you’re hurting. I’m sure you’re still trying to deal with this, just the same as the rest of us, and I want to help you. 

I’ve used multiple providers, I’ve sent it on different days of the week, Crowley, I even had one delivered magickally. You’re avoiding me. I want one good conversation, and if you can convince me that you’re really okay, I’ll let you be. Please Agatha, we’ve known each other for so long. Are you really going to let all of our history swirl down the drain?

Enough is enough. I’ve been patient, but the time for that is past. Simon is going to die on the couch of our flat if I don’t do something soon. Baz says he’s alright, but he’s too pale, even for someone who is a vampire. (Don’t worry, I spelled this letter so that only you can open it.) I know things are getting worse, and I have to fix it somehow.

We’re coming to America. I got the idea after finishing that last paragraph, and I just bought the tickets. Well thought out plans haven’t really worked out, so I’ll try something spontaneous. It will be a way to give Simon and Baz a break from everything and check up on you all in one. Plus we’ll stop to see Micah on the way over. I can’t wait to see you soon! And if you aren’t reading my letters, well, it’s your own fault if you are surprised.

Best,  
Penny

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you have time, or feel free to talk to me on [tumblr](https://that-bi-bliophile.tumblr.com/)


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